Skip to main content

A Letter to Allah or Jesus Concerning Christian Pulisic

It's been a long time since I posted anything. The reason for this is because I moved to Guadalajara, Mexico, and things have been kind of weird. I'm barely surviving. I'm teaching English classes for a painfully low amount. And I don't really know how it's going to change in the next few days, though I know something needs to change.

BUT JESUS FUCKING SHIT, ENOUGH ABOUT ME, LET'S TALK ABOUT CHRISTIAN FUCKING PULISIC.

So, I never talked about this "dunk":

And the reason I didn't talk about it is because I don't really care. But one thing I will say is that I don't really believe it. Which is a little bit crazy, since Pulisic confirmed in a video the other day that the rim was indeed 10 feet. That's the part I don't really believe. Because it doesn't look like he jumps that high. And I know how hard it is to dunk, and I'm almost 6'2''. Pulisic is, at most, 5'10''. And it doesn't really look like he gets up ALL THAT MUCH. But anyway. Who cares.

Apparently Pulisic didn't play that well last weekend against Freiburg. I wouldn't really know, since I was teaching an English class for $2.50 a fucking hour during the match. But I'm glad I missed most of it, because Dortmund played like feces that come from a dog. I don't think CP played all that bad, but he certainly didn't do anything exceptional.

As for all the Aubameyang shit, I only have this to say: Who cares. Let him go. So he's going to England? Fine. Whatever. I'm so sick of Aubameyang transfer news dominating all things Dortmund over the last few weeks. Don't need to hear any more about it. I like Auba, to a certain extent, but good riddance.

Luciky, since the Cologne game is on a Friday, I'll be able to watch it. But if Dortmund plays like they did against Freiburg, I don't want to watch it.

Please Jesus or Allah or whoever's in charge up there, can Pulisic do one of his runs where he beats four defenders, but this time score?

Your friend,

Mark

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Christian Pulisic injury and the real reason he's so good

Apparently Christian Pulisic is injured. Which I find interesting, because how can you injure someone whose flesh and blood are not of this world? To injure Christian Pulisic you'd have to touch him, and I've seen what happens when defenders try to touch Christian Pulisic. Generally the ball goes through their legs or they fall down or, in the rare cases when they do lay a by comparison leprous arm on him, they concede some kind of free kick in a dangerous era. So I don't know about this supposed shin injury. And if he is injured, I doubt it happened on the pitch. I bet Isak was playing a prank on him or something like that. Maybe Aubameyang. But I'd bet dollars to proverbial donuts he's not actually injured. His presence was of course missed on the field against Wolfsburg yesterday, though his replacement, Jadon Sancho, killed it. I didn't know Jadon Sancho was that good. I'd seen him his first time on the field, but that was only a few minutes. I sinc

Pulisic Makes Bryan Ruiz Look like a Nerd

Friends, friends, friends. I made it to Germany. I'm drinking instant coffee in my Air Bnb which is just a hop skip and a triple jump away from the illustrious city of Mainz, where Dortmund will be playing next Tuesday. I'm excited. Barring injury (tap on wood; chainsaw), Pulisic SHOULD PLAY IN THIS GAME. He might not start. But he should at least play. Though lately he's been STARTING EVERY DAMN GAME because he's a FUCKING ANIMAL. AHSDJFJADSKFJDASKFJDSFKDSJFKDSJFDKJD. (I don't handle caffeine well). Quick side note: This Air Bnb is amazing. This town is amazing. My German is about an A2/B1 but I've spoken only German since I've gotten here, since the hostess is from Kosovo and doesn't speak English and the other tenant is a Turkish girl whose English is probably about as good as my German but I've been pushing the German pretty hard because I gotta speak it. Other side note: One of my blog posts has over 100 views. Two of them actually. Who