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Cha Boi Like to Score Dem Goal Whey He Slice 'N Dice

I know what a lot of you are thinking. You're thinking: Damn, cha boi hasn't scored in a bit. I mean, yeah, he scored against Stuttgart a couple games ago, but that doesn't really count because he wasn't trying. When he gonna do one a dem goals where he dice dem fools den put dee ball in dee back o' dee net?

And I'm like, totally.


But let's also be honest: Christian Pulisic, as his mortal name goes, hasn't really ever done one of dem goals where he dices fools up and beats a bunch of people and then puts the ball in the back of the net. Usually, after he dices fools, he passes, or misses. But one day, ONE DAY, that slice and dice, amazing dribble run goal will happen. It's the law of averages. It's Murphy's Law. It's the law of attrition. It's the long arm of the law. And maybe -- maybe -- it will happen today against Bayer Leverkusen.

I'm not going to lie to you folks because, even though I lie constantly, I rarely like when it…
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Pulisic's Form in 2018, Performance Against Hannover 96

Christian Pulisic played OK against Hannover. Not great. And actually maybe a little bit above OK. Because did you see that nutmeg pass he did? I did too. And I shivered slightly when he did it, such was emotion that overcame me. (I'm trying to find a video of it on Twitter and apparently it doesn't exist. I could possibly do it myself but that would require watching the entire game over again, which I don't want to do).

Dortmund don't play again until March 31st against Bayern Munich, and it will be interesting to see if Pulisic starts. Last time Dortmund played Bayern Munich Pulisic was the best player on the field and did something to Arjan Robben from which I imagine Robben's still recovering emotionally.
Marc Bartra's golazo against Bayern Munich has been named Bundesliga's goal of the month for November.
What a strike it was!!! 👏👏👏 #BVBpic.twitter.com/2ZKgyPEKEX — BVB Buzz (@BVBBuzz) December 8, 2017
It's not that I have anything against Arja…

Christian Pulisic Misses Salzburg Match with Non-Terminal Illness

Dortmund rolled into Salzburg today to compete for a spot in the Europa League Round of 8 conspicuously absent one key player.
Looks like Pulisic has flu and Toprak is out with a muscle problem #BVB#FCSBVBhttps://t.co/9bJfnfO7si — BVB Buzz (@BVBBuzz) March 15, 2018 Christian Pulisic apparently has the flu, which I don't believe, since I don't believe Christian Pulisic gets sick. I mean, Michael Jordan played through the flu before, and I'm not comparing CP to Michael Jordan, but the kid can dunk.  Pulisic: People doubt me, but I can dunk! https://t.co/I8oSqWO7M3!?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter pic.twitter.com/WSMKf5kZcs — Dave Masters (@davemasters) January 11, 2018 (I dunked once in warm-ups before a rec league basketball game in high school. It was the only time I ever dunked in my illustrious basketball career. Most of the other times I stuck to left-handed layups.)

Dortmund played the opposite of good today, which, unless my English fails me, is bad. If I h…

The Only Blog Devoted to Christian Pulisic

Guys, I have to admit something, and I don't think you're going to like it: I don't Google Pulisic that much anymore. I used to Google him at least 5-10 times a day. But now every time I Google him the same shit comes up: transfer rumors. And I don't want to hear about Pulisic transfer rumors. I just want to read about what Christian Pulisic does when he actually touches the ball. Because that's the purest thing about being a Pulisic fan, watching him straight beat someone one on one, or one on two, or one on four.

Apparently it hasn't been happening a lot lately. I haven't gotten to watch the games in their entirety since I've been working. And I could go back and watch them in their entirety on same ghetto-ass Russian site, but it's tough when you already know what the score is and who scored the goals and at exactly what time. So I've missed Dortmund games lately. Which is messed up. I feel like I'm cheating on the team or something. Eve…

A Letter to Allah or Jesus Concerning Christian Pulisic

It's been a long time since I posted anything. The reason for this is because I moved to Guadalajara, Mexico, and things have been kind of weird. I'm barely surviving. I'm teaching English classes for a painfully low amount. And I don't really know how it's going to change in the next few days, though I know something needs to change.

BUT JESUS FUCKING SHIT, ENOUGH ABOUT ME, LET'S TALK ABOUT CHRISTIAN FUCKING PULISIC.

So, I never talked about this "dunk":
Don't forget, Christian Pulisic is 5'8" 😳 (via @cpulisic_10) pic.twitter.com/FfQw1kWOGP — Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) January 2, 2018
And the reason I didn't talk about it is because I don't really care. But one thing I will say is that I don't really believe it. Which is a little bit crazy, since Pulisic confirmed in a video the other day that the rim was indeed 10 feet. That's the part I don't really believe. Because it doesn't look like he jumps that hi…

Christian Pulisic injury and the real reason he's so good

Apparently Christian Pulisic is injured. Which I find interesting, because how can you injure someone whose flesh and blood are not of this world? To injure Christian Pulisic you'd have to touch him, and I've seen what happens when defenders try to touch Christian Pulisic. Generally the ball goes through their legs or they fall down or, in the rare cases when they do lay a by comparison leprous arm on him, they concede some kind of free kick in a dangerous era. So I don't know about this supposed shin injury. And if he is injured, I doubt it happened on the pitch. I bet Isak was playing a prank on him or something like that. Maybe Aubameyang. But I'd bet dollars to proverbial donuts he's not actually injured.

His presence was of course missed on the field against Wolfsburg yesterday, though his replacement, Jadon Sancho, killed it. I didn't know Jadon Sancho was that good. I'd seen him his first time on the field, but that was only a few minutes. I sincere…

I'm really sorry I haven't posted anything about Christian Pulisic in awhile

But here's this:


You're welcome.